Crocfins Shutout Slimeballz for First NAPI League Win

The Maimey Crocfins got their first NAPI League win this week with a 3-0 shutout of the Slimeballz. Dinovone Beast scored two touchdowns in the impressive win over the division's other lizardman team, and Rasta Chilliams added another.

"That was Crocfin football!" said Crocfin Coach Tiny Spearinyou. "Skinks scamperirng and Kroxigor's cracking skulls. I knew we had a good week of practice coming in, but that was a real tough squad we took on out there, so my hat's off to my reptiles today."

Despite the final score, the match got off to an inauspicious start for the Crocfins. After taking the opening kickoff up the sideline and into Slimeballz terrtitory, Skeddy Sginn Jr. was knocked off his claws when Slimeballz skink Tehejai of Tlaxton dove past Jay Klong to whip his tail against Sginn's head. The ball bounced out of bounds, and when Slimeballz fans tossed it down to the Maimey25-yard-line, it looked like the Crocfins were on their way toward their second loss.

"People say me soft, so me got to hold onto that ball," said Sginn, who was also KO'd by a hard charging Slimeball saurus later in the match. "And, no, me family was not on the field to protect me from that skinky's tail."

A mad scramble for the ball immediately ensued. Scales flew into the air as saurus's and skinks flailed at one another and ball. "We worked on picking up that thing all week," said Spearinyou, "So you can bet my spear was shaking when I saw these guys trying to stab the ball with their claws."

Fortunately for the Crocfins, Jay-Peezy emerged from a two-week glass-eyed reptillian haze to throw a key block, opening a path toward the ball for Rasta Chilliams. Chilliams scooped it up, crossed mid-field, and made a diving hand-off to Dinovone Beast who'd been trying to find an opening in Slimeballz territory. With a Slimeball saurus clawing at his back, Beast dodged into the open field and sprinted into the end zone.

"That's a play me got to make in this league," said Beast. "Every-people say skinkies no catch, but that all me do, all day. I lay back in the swamp all day catching rats when they crawl over my belly, so it's the same with the ball, you put it in me belly, me going to grab it."

The Slimeballz looked poised to even the score in the second half when Boqtz skittered through an opening to bring the ball down to the Crocfins' 20-yard-line. However, Rawny Brawn--who's been working on his tackle-breaking skills in the hopes of actually getting a chance to carry the ball--broke away from a Slimeball saurus's block and KO'd Boqtz with double-fisted blow to the snout.

As Boqtz lay bleeding into the pitch, Beast clawed the ball into his gut and dashed toward the endzone to give the Crocfins a 2-0 lead.


Late in the second half, a fumbled pass by the Slimeballz opened the door for the Crocfins third score. Chilliams, able to grab the ball near the midfield, dashed 38 yards down the sideline dodging would-be tacklers on his way to the end-zone. "Me just want to do me part to help me team," said Chilliams after the match as he dodged away from the scribes almost as acrobatically as he dodged tacklers on the pitch.


Yet as Chilliams made his way toward the game-sealing touchdown, tragedy struck for the Crocfins when the Slimeballz Goratl blind-sided Krad Bonington 30 yards away from the ball. Skilled in the art of the "Mighty-Blow," Goratl clawed open Bonington's stomach, ripped out his small intestine, and wrapped it around Bonington's neck, laughing maniacally as the Crocfin captain simultaneously choked and bled to death.

"Me see the way they play," said an enraged Jay-Peezy after the match. "You can bet me going to be looking for Goratl next time we play. He not only one know how to 'Mighty-Blow.' Me think his guts might look good round his neck."


A more subdued and reflective Spearinyou, however, took the loss of the key player in stride. "Hey, that's Bloodbowl, right," he said, as he fed the remains of Bonington's body to his saurus's. "They don't call this foot-bowl or hand-bowl. They call it Bloodbowl, and there's a reason for that. So we lost a good reptile today, but we also got a win. And that Goratl, he's a heck of a player. I told him after the match. I presented him with Krad's skull, and I said, 'take pride in his death as we shall take pride in his life.' Of course, he immediately ripped the skull out of my hands and tried to brain me with it so he could eat me, but that's not the point. The point is, we got this team on the right track today, and Krad was a part of that, and he's still going to be a part of this team going forward--at least until his teammates finish drinking all his blood out of the Kroxigor-ade bucket."