Mage-Cast Highlights of Week 2 Win

Crocfins Edge Rams 2-0 for Second Victory

Grick Crocarillo knew he was giving up close to 300 pounds and a pair of horns as he stared down the St. Vilitch Rams beastman clutching the ball 10 yards from the Rams' goal line. But he also knew that scoring opportunities come few and far between on the Blood Bowl pitch. So the skink best known for swallowing the head of the Crocfins' previous quarterback lowered his own head, closed his eyes, and charged.

With a little help from his saurus teammate Jay Klong, who whipped his spiked tail into the back of the beastman's legs, Crocarillo toppled his burly opponent, pounced on the loose ball, and skittered into the end zone for the first score in the Crocfins 2-0 victory over the Rams Wednesday night.

"That's a saurus-sized play from that little guy." said Crocfin Coach Tony Spearinyou after the match. "Bashing the opponent's ball carrier, picking up the ball, then running it in--you can't ask for more than that. I've seen plenty of Blood Bowl players can't do a single one of those things, let alone do all three on a single play."

With Crocarillio's score providing a cushion, the Crocfins turned more aggressive in the second half. Skeddy Sginn Jr. took the kick-off up the right sideline and then juked back to the left, crossing the field to hand-off to Dinovone Beast at mid-field. Beast then raced 49 yards toward the end-zone only to trip at the one-yard-line and lose the ball.

"What can me say?" said a dejected Beast after the match. "Me embarrassed, OK, you happy? Me make big fool from me. Me thinking about me new touchdown dance when--oops, down me go!"

Fortunately for the Crocfins, Sginn Jr. followed the play. The speedy skink, who now leads the team with two touchdowns, out-ran a Rams beastman for the ball, scooped it up, and dashed into the end-zone.

"Me saw Beasty go down, and me like, run little leggies run!" said Sginn. "Then me pick it up, and me like, nobody home--just me and the end-zone. Time to dance on in."

Up by two, the Crocfins backed into "skink-preservation-mode" following the ensuing kick-off but were not able avoid the path of destruction Rams minotaur Orgiruh blazed across the pitch for most of the game. Leading all attackers with 6 knock-downs, a frenzied Orgiruh crashed through Crocfin saurus's like sober dwarf running through a late-night pub queue.

(When asked about his performance after the match, Orgiruh was not available for comment. Apparently he was too busy goring the two scribes who tried to get a quote from him.)

Game-1 standout Skatrick Gobbs was also knocked off the pitch by a beastman in the second half and trampled by a horde of Rams hooligans before Coach Spearinyou could spear one and chase off the rest. Taking six boots to the back of the head, Gobbs is expected to miss the next game but should not suffer any long-term effects.

"Gobbs is a tough little lizard," said Spearinyou, his voice cracking. "He'll be back out there. You can count on that. And if I ever see the rest of those fans again, you can also count on them being shish-kabobed on the end of my spear!"

Spearinyou's anger aside, the mood in the swamp following the match was upbeat, as the Crocfins celebrated their 2-0 record by licking the blood off of their coach's spear and chomping through the body of the fan he killed. Team-leader Krag Bonington, however, was quick to caution that it's far too early in the season to celebrate.

"It's a long season," said Bonington, as the rest of the lizardmen danced behind him in a blood-frenzy. "This is just one game. We're not satisfied with one game. We're in this for the long haul, and we still got a lot of work to do--as soon we get done eating this fan, that is."

Interview with a Dwarf Slayer

Rescribed with permission from the Maimey Herald:

Interview with a Dwarf Slayer
by Armadillo Salmando

Picture this--you're a 74-pound skink, lucky enough to survive into the closing seconds of your first Blood Bowl match. Your team is up one-nothing and all but assured a victory, but the ball is on the pitch. The only thing standing between your teammates and that ball is an angry dwarf blocker reeking of beer, sweat and the saurus blood he's already spilled. His nostrils flare and his beard shakes as he locks eyes with you. Two of your skink teammates skitter to his flank, waiting for you to make your move. As you stare at your reflection in his bronze breast plate, your yellow eyes look back and ask you one question--do you risk life and limb by attacking or do you run to safety?

For Skatrick Gobbs, during the Crocfin's Tuesday night opener, the answer was easy. You attack.

As his skink teammates grabbed the dwarf's arms, Gobbs leaped at his throat, striking a weak spot under the dwarven helmet strap with both his claws and teeth. The sturdy dwarf stumbled back with a grunt. Gobbs dug his legs into his belly, reared back with his jaws and hands, and ripped from his opponent's body a long severed jugular vein.

Many scribes are calling the blow the first time a skink has killed a dwarf on the pitch since the first age, but Gobbs says he wasn't shocked. As he watched Dinovone Bess scamper off for the Crocfin's second touchdown he merely licked the deep red dwarf-blood of his hands and then raised them in victory. This morning I had the pleasure of being granted an interview with this skink who has much more to his game than running and dodging.

Salmando: How did your first kill feel?

Gobbs: No feel taste. He tasty tasty, like swam-prat marinated in beer.

Salmando: What made you go for the deathblow there when you could have just hung on for a one-nothing victory?

Gobbs: He there. Me there. What else me do? Him blood taste better than my blood, yes? And me always want help teamy score. Always. Me no care about me. There is no m-e in team. Well, maybe there is--me no spell, me kill.

Salmando: Is attacking part of your game you'd like to develop further, or do you consider yourself a runner like most skinks?

Gobbs: Me run, me kill, me clean coach's spear--whatever him want. Me play for team. Me play for coach.

Salmando: What advice would you offer to other skinks who tend to shy away from physical contact on the pitch.

Gobbs: Me say, hey it you or it them. You can only run so far, then no more pitch. Somebody grab you, bash in your skinky skull. Me say, you bash me, I bash you first. Then me run.

Salmando: Thanks for taking the time to sit with me today. Is there anything else you'd like your fans to know?

Gobbs: Yes, would like fans to send me dwarf body. Me run way to celebrate after Beasty's TD. Me come back, dwarfy gone. Me think fans took for pit-barbecue. Me want some too OK. Dwarfy taste nice. Like big sweaty ball of warm beer with cheese. Yummy stuff.

Week 1 Mage-Cast Highlights

Crocfins Best Bearded Bullies 2-0 in Season Opener

The Maimey Crocfins mixed speed, violence, and a little bit of good fortune to beat the Bearded Bullies 2-0 in their Blood Bowl Season opener Tuesday night. Speedster Skeddy Sginn Jr. and sure-clawed Dinovone Beast scored touchdowns for Maimey, while Skatrick Gobbs struck the team's first deathblow.


"That's Skatrick," said Crocfin coach, Tiny Spearinyou. "He'll do whatever it takes, whenever it takes it. Even Peezy was impressed. Usually we have to keep the Kroxigor away from the skinks after a match, but after Tuesday night's game he gave the little guy one of the skulls from his human bone collection."

Gobbs' murder--which some say is the first time a skink killed a dwarf on the pitch since the first age--cleared the way for Beast to scoop up the ball and dash 60 yards for a last-minute touchdown that sealed the Crocfin victory.

Despite the fact that the final score was a shutout, the hard-fought match began inauspiciously for the Crocfins, with Sginn Jr. fumbling a short pass near midfield to Rasta Chilliams, who later suffered a smashed collar-bone at the hands of one of the Bearded Bullies' troll slayers. Sginn Jr. made up for the miscue seconds later by scooping up the ball, dodging a dwarf blocker's would-be tackle, and streaking 40 yards to the endzone.

"Me felt great out there," said Sginn Jr. "When me get that ball again, me see Dwarfy, and me no want him touch me, so me gone. Me might not be mighty mighty, but me mighty slippery."

The match was not all success for the Crocfins though. In addition to Chilliams' injury, the team lost Crocadillo for most of the match. While Chilliams is listed as doubtful for the next game, Crocadillo's status is still unknown.

"We'll check him out at practice and see where he is," said Spearinyou. "He took a dwarf boot right to the face, was unconscious for the rest of the match. We just got him back to the point where he knows his own name, so we'll just have to take it day by day."

Spearinyou also noted that he had some worries about the effectiveness of Jay Peezey after watching the Kroxidor get tossed around the field like a rag doll by Gulin Stok-Trol, the bearded Bullies' star troll slayer.

"It's definitely a concern," he said. "When you see a one-ton wall of reptillian muscle get bashed up and down the pitch like that by someone less than half his size, it really makes you wonder. So, yeah, we got some things to work on in practice--and I can tell you I'm definitely giving that arrow a twist or two before the next match."

Still, the mood in the swamp was definitely upbeat after the game as the Crocfins shook off the vestiges of last year's embarrassing all-but-one-dead match, insisting that this season has the potential to restore pride to Maimey.

"This a new season--new Crocfins," said Beast. "Me no care about no game where all the skinkies die. Me no care about Croco Lemon's head flying through the air. That last season. This this season!"

Skatrick Gobbs -- Player Bio

Skatrick Gobbs is that rare skink who can do anything on the field. You want someone to run the ball straight into a scrum of dwarves? He's your reptile. You want someone to bash their head against a cage of beastmen? He's your lizard. You want someone to make that extra block against a rat ogre to clear the path for the ball carrier? He's your skink.

This willingness to do whatever is needed, hasn't gone unnoticed by Crocfin coach Tiny Spearinyou, who has admitted to having a lizard-crush on the player. "

I wish I had 11 skinks just like Gobbs," he says as he chews the last scrap of mutton from the end of his spear. "And that's actually something I've been looking into. There's a mage up in the Valley of Tears who says he can create a doppleganger for anything that breathes. We sent a few runners out there to see if we can invite him down to Maimey to get to work on Gobbs, but apparently they've all been turned to stone. I'd no idea there were basalisks up there, but live and learn right. Well at least I'm still living--the runners, not so much."

Jay Clong -- Player Bio

Jay Clong has a passion for pushing. Though he's as capable as removing flesh from bone as any saurus, this hefty lizardman prefers opening holes for skinks to random acts of violence. This rare discipline on the field makes Clong an indefensible offensive asset.

Though some Crocfin fans lament that the team did not choose the rare strong armed thrower skink Madd Rian over the bulk linemen, Belly Parkles is committed to building a team from the inside out.

"What the hell you going to do, put 11 skinks out there to get stomped into the pitch?" says Parkles, his giant pot belly rumbling with annoyance. "I don't care how fast your team is, if you don't have some trained killers in the trenches, you're going to get slaughtered like a bunch of elves out there."

Dinovone Beast -- Player Bio

Dinovone Beast was told he was too small and too slow to ever play Blood Bowl. But this sure-handed skink possessed something none of the Blood Bowl scouts were looking for--desire. Through sheer determination, Beast developed a catching technique that has separated him from almost every other skink on the team, save Crocarillo.

When the ball is in the air or on the pitch, Beast goes after it with his claws fully extended. Instead of gently picking up the ball, he stabs it with his razor sharp talons and then carries it away like an over-sized pig-stomach kabob.

"The say me too small, too slow--me never play this game," says Beast. "Me say, just watch me."

Grick Crocarillo

Grick Crocadillo has an unusual but extremely reliable way of catching the Blood Bowl ball. When a pass is thrown his way, this tiny skink simply opens his over-sized maw and swallows the ball.

"They want take ball from me, they got to tear open me belly," he says, his yellow reptilian eyes narrowing. "Me no drop no ball. Never."

The sure-mouthed technique was born during that legendary and embarrassing match when all of the Crocfins, save one, were murdered in a single game. When the team's starting thrower, Croco Lemon was decapitated by a dwarven forearm to end the match, Crocarillo--a spectator at the time--caught the severed head in his mouth on the sidelines, and ran away from the the entire Dwarven team. Once he reached safety, he regurgitated the head at the feet of then Crocfin coach, Sham Shameron, and Lemon's skull remains on display today as a reminder that Crocfin pride survived even in the face of overwhelming adversity.

Though Shameron was spit-barecued and eaten alive by the Crocfin fans later that day, Crocarillo's feat impressed new GM Belly Parkles enough to win the skink a place on the new Crocfin squad.

Channing Crocidor -- Player Bio

Deceptively affable, Channing Crocidor is the Crocfins resident team clown. But this clown loves the taste of blood even more than the sound of laughter. Mix the two, and you have Crocidor's favorite combination--something he likes to call "cackle gore."

"Me love me the cackle-gore," explains the muscle-bound, long-locked saurus, flashing his razor-sharp teeth in a wide grin. "Me like to crack a joke on the field, and then right when they be laughing, me crack their skull. It's like--ha ha, crack--you dead now."

While most of the other players on the Blood Bowl pitch grunt and grit their way through each match, Crocidor is always giggling. This habit often has an unnerving effect on opponents, unsure how to react when the 7-foot, 900-pound lizardman comes loping their way, laughing with each thundering step.

"Sometimes they be even trying to laugh with me," says Crocidor. "Like once this elf catcher see me coming. He could run way, but he just stand there, kind of smiling. Me be laughing, so he laughing too. Then I ripped his larynx out. He not laugh no more."

Statistics

Krad Bonington -- Player Bio

Krad Bonington is the closest thing the Crocfins have to a thrower.

One of the most cerebral lizardmen to ever set foot on the Blood Bowl pitch, Bonington is a savvy student of the game who gives the Crocfins what is in effect a second coach on the field. Having studied scribes ledgers of nearly every Blood Bowl match ever played, Bonington expertly directs the other skinks on the surest route to the endzone. If his tiny skink arm were only powerful enough to throw the ball more than 10 yards with any kind of precision, he and Skeddy Sginn would make a deadly combination. As it is, Bonington usually limits himself to short, smart passes to exploit holes in opponent's defenses.

Still, the Crocfins are very happy to have the born leader on the squad, considering his arrival in Maimey resulted as an afterthought to Blood Bowl's biggest off-season story last year. When renowned human star-player Brick Favor came out of retirement to join the Chaos team, the Old York Yettis, Bonington--oft injured and out of place among the Old York beastmen and minotaurs--was deemed expendable and scheduled to be eaten. Luckily for Bonington, new Crocfin GM Belly Parkles, who had coached Bonington in Old York for a season, rescued the skink from the beastmen's ditch-oven and brought him to Maimey. Of course, while every Blood Bowl fan knows the story of how Brick Favor let down the Yettis by hurling two interceptions in their play-off qualifier and had his right biceps torn from his throwing arm byt eh team's minotaur as punishment, fewer know the story of Bonington's resurgence in Maimey.

"I'm happy to be flying out of the eagle's eye, so to speak," says the well-spoken Bonington. "For me, it's all just about playing to game the best I can. Each week we look at the scribe's ledgers and we see something new. I bring in the other guys too, though most of them just want to dip the pages in goblin blood and suck on them. But, hey, I figure they're still learning right. If they're there, they got to be listening to some of what I'm saying."

Chazin Tailer -- Player Bio

Chazin Tailer is the only remaining veteran of an earlier Crocfin team that embarrassed the city of Maimey when all of its players, save one, were murdered in a single game. Shamed by the experience, and lured by the promise of fame and fortune as a "dancing snake-man" in one of the many coastal festival towns, Tailer left Maimey for a year. Unable to make it as a dancer, he made his way to Amorica's bustling capital city, where he disguised himself as a human and played with the Witchington Redhats for part of a season.

Despite maiming a few opponents on the field, Tailer was unable to keep up the disguise--partly due to his habit of eating one or two of his teammates following a match. Once the speedy and bruising saurus's true identity was discovered, he was chased out of Witchington by a torch-bearing mob and welcomed back to Maimey as a returning hero.

"My place right here in Maimey," says Tailer, a specialist at separating opponents from the ball--and their limbs. "Me always be a Crocfin. Always."

Tiny Spearinyou -- Head Coach

Transplanted from the icy Nordic tundra of Old York, Tiny Spearinyou might seem like a fish-out-of water in Maimey--or, considering Maimey is covered in swampland, perhaps it would be more appropriate to call him a polar-bear-in-water. But just as polar bears are surprisingly strong swimmers, this half-titan, descended form a long bloodline of spearmen is proving to be right at home in Maimey.

"Sure, my boots get a little muddy, and swamp-water mixed with blood doesn't smell as sweet as bloody snow, but Blood Bowl is Blood Bowl," says Spearinyou, who formerly served as an assistant coach for the Deadless Cowkillers, a human team from Amorica's western wastelands. "Lizards do everything a little bit different than humans. There's more hissing, more biting, and there little slit eyes kind of freak me out, but my job is the same--help those fellas get that ball in the endzone. And maim a bunch of players on the way there, of course."

Ant Hissano

Like Brawn, Any Hissano wants to play a bigger role in the Crocfin offense. Rather than runnign the ball, though, his desire is to catch it. Of course, this is something of a challenge, considering his saurus hands are more suited to impaling goblins or slicing through orc bellies.

As Crocfin coach, Tiny Spearinyou, tries to develop this ability in Hissano, the lizarman's main role on the team is to work with Jay Clong at plowing holes through opposing defenses for the team's speedy skinks.

Gendril Bangford -- Player Bio

A hulking saurus with a taste for blood, Gendril Bangford plays a raw but effective brand of Blood Bowl. Though he's still working on his technique, his rare combination of size, speed, and bloodlust, make him a key component of the Crocfins' defense.

"Me need to learn to kill more things more quickly," says the young Bangford. "Now me jsut bang on their head one time, two time, three time--whatever it takes, but me need learn from the veterans like Chazin [Tailer]. Me need to learn to kill with one quick bite to the throat."

Belly Parkles -- General Manager

Recognized as a Blood Bowl genius, Belly Parkles has coached three squads to the Blood Bowl Cup Championship Game--the Old York Giants, The New Ringland Hate-Riots, and the Old York Yettis. He relocated to Maimey, lured by the promise of a retirement on the area's renowned swamp-golf courses. Rather than chipping skink heads into Kroxigor's mouths, however, Parkles is now helping Spearinyou select the most talented and violent skinks and Kroxigors to put out on the field.

With experience coaching humans, giants (before they were outlawed), and beastmen, Parkles applies his same keen eye for talent to reptiles these days holding to his old adage that "If they don't bite your face off when they're pollywogs, they won't bite your face off when they grow up."

"It's simple, really," says Parkles on judging Blood Bowl talent. "A Blood Bowl player needs to be able to do three things, run, hold onto the ball, and murder and maim other players. With my other teams, I liked to have all my players able to do all of those things. With lizardmen, you have to think more of the team as a whole. We got Saurus's can bite two heads off at once but couldn't hold the ball if it was shoved up their tails, and we got skinks that can run like the stinky swamp wind, but couldn't beat their way out of a bag of halfling maiden--and, and yes we've tried that in practice. So here, it's all about putting the right pieces together. It's very cerebral, a thinking man's game really--well, a thinking and killing man's game that is."

Jay Peezy -- Player Bio

This hulking wall of scaled rage plays the game for one reason--casualties. When asked at the end of the game how big the win was, Jay Peezy's usual response is "What means wins?"

Much of this rage comes from an old swamp-hunting injury. In his youth, Peezy was struck in his scaled rump by an arrow from a lake-elf's bow. More insulting than painful, the broken shaft of the arrow remains, jutting out from his rear as a constant reminder that a lake-elf, who of course was quickly devoured alive, got the best of him if only for a moment. In fact, whenever Crocfin coach Tiny Spearinyou wants a few extra fractured skulls on the opposing side of the field, he'll call Peezy over to the sideline and twist on the arrow's shaft--a dangerous but brilliant coaching tactic which has lost the former Nordic half-titan two of his fingers.

"Coaching is all about managing risk," says Spearinyou. "For me the biggest risk each game is keeping my body in tact."

While other players chart their progress in the game on the scoreboard, Peezy charts his by the number of maimed and lifeless bodies stacking up on the opponent's sideline. Though the Kroxigor's hot-headed, frenzied play can sometimes draw penalties, the team's skinks depend on his anger for their very lives.

Of course that means very little to Peezy.

"Tell skinkies stay clear me," he says. "Other team skinkies, my team skinkies ... Me don't care in gametime. Me kill whatever moves!"

Skeddy Sginn Jr. -- Player Bio

One word described this slim little skink--fast. Though some have argued he takes too long to get up to his top-speed, once this long-striding lizard hits the open field, he streaks toward the end-zone with a blur that could make a wood-elf weep.

The son of legendary lizardman runner Skeddy Sginn Sr., some say that when Sginn takes the field, his storied skink bloodline is there with him. Others have been known to slice the lips off of anyone who mentions Sginn's family--who have actually never stormed the field to attack his opponents as former coach Sham Shameron promised when he was drafted.

Regularly criticized for shying away from contact with even the weakest of goblin blitzers, however, Sginn himself knows he still has a lot to prove.

"This teamy invest lots in me," says Sginn, his yellow lizard eyes widening to look almost human. "So me know me gots lots to prove. Me just gonna do me best. Every game, every play. Me fast, but me running gots to get crisper, quicker. Me working on it. Me always working"

Rawny Brawn -- Player Bio

Rawny Brawn is a curious case. Large even among his saurus kin, Brawn was raised by a family of skinks and has long believed himself to be an agile quick-legged skink. This has presented the Crocfins with a unique challenge and opportunity. With enough punishing strength to brain a black orc, Brawn is a vital part of the team's blocking and defensive schemes, yet he constantly lobbies to run the ball.

"Me go run touchdown," he says with a sneer and a hiss. "Me go run through you, around you, over you--whatever. Me go run touchdown."

The only problem is his scaly, muscle-bound saurus claws make it all but impossible for the hulking lizardman to hold the ball let alone pick it up off the blood-slick pitch. Still, Crocfin coach Tiny Spearinyou knows that having a saurus of his size running the ball could give the team an advantage over nearly any other race, and he has indicated that he's willing to try to develop the colossal reptile into a running-back.

"It's the holy grail, right?" Spearinyou says with a chuckle. "Mag Manderson supposedly lost his legs trying to teach Trolls how to carry the ball up in the ColdClaw Mountains, right? Every team in every age has tried to get one of its bruisers to run, but here we got the potential for something else too. We're not just talking about strength with Rawny. We're also talking about speed, you combine that with the ability to not drop the stinking ball, and you got something special."

Rasta Chilliams -- Player Bio

Rasta Chilliams joined the Crocfins reluctantly after being highly recruited by numerous Blood Bowl organizations. A native of the Chillweed Swamps in the deep south, Chilliams has long dreamed of becoming a shaman, and he has the rare reptillian pensiveness needed for such work. Yet he also possesses the speed and quickness of a croxigor's bite--which meant that destiny steered him onto a more violent path toward the Blood Bowl pitch.

A slashing runner, Chilliams has the ability to score from almost anywhere on the pitch. Yet most days he'd rather be home on the swamp, chewing the Chillweed leaves whose calming powers he says he requires for "medicinal purposes." Rumor has it, in fact, that the Crocfins were able to sign the enigmatic player only by promising him a pound of chillweeds for every touchdown he scores.

"Me like to be chillin'," says Williams. "Me give all love to all creatures. But when the ball get in me claws, me run through a troll just to find that end-zone."